Warning: Dauntingly Lengthy Post Ahead.
Jocelyn and Andre have departed the cold, rainy city of Budapest and bid farewell to two of its American visitors, and in their wake I find myself determined to refocus my life.
I stumbled through the Hungarian language several times, in attempts to impress my guests, and it reminded me that I must recommit myself to learning the languages I've been studying. I discovered a wonderful new website,
DailyLit.com, and it reminded me that I need to stop "catching up on my TV shows" and start reading again. I talked with Jocelyn about her post-college and my post-trip plans, and it reminded me that I won't be traveling forever...at some point, I'm going to need a viable plan for my life (not that it means that the plan must be unchangeable...just that I need a starting point that will eventually lead me to discovering just what exactly it is I want to dedicate my many remaining years to!).
So now what do I do?
As far as I can tell, it's time for a new, up-to-date evaluation of my goals, and the creation of another of Elyse's Epic To Do Lists. As I am currently ensconced in a velvety armchair and sipping an Irish coffee, this seems like the perfect time to tackle the task!
My apologies if this entry rambles...for the first time I am writing on the fly, and not typing up something I'd previously written in my personal journal (a treasure bound in red leather and framed in gold leaf...it's been with me since high school, and chronicles my travels abroad from Oxford onwards, as well as much of my life in New York and some of my creative writing...I think I'd waste away from sorrow if it ever disappeared!).
But without further ado...
Goals: Professional
This is one of the most difficult topics I encounter, as I find that, having spent all of my years from preschool until college wanting to be a teacher, that life no longer sounds right for me. I love education, but I don't relate well to children - that pretty much eliminates most academic professions. I could pursue a Ph.D and become a professor, but that means being willing to relocate to where ever a university is willing to give me a job. I have found that where and how I live is very, very important to me (to my happiness, my self-concept, &c), so I'm not sure I'd be willing to do that. I do love the idea of continuing my education (and being able to do so in a specialty of my choosing), however, so I suppose I can't entirely rule it out.
Then there's writing. I have loved it for as long as I can remember, and nothing sounds more perfect and romantic than being able to make a living off my words. But, perhaps to my detriment, I have always been a very logical, rational person. I know that it's very unlikely that I'll ever be able to live solely off of that, if I'm even lucky enough to make any money off it in the first place. I'm enjoying the freelance work I've done so far, but it's difficult to come by, and I have a hard time envisioning being able to support myself from writing full time. The only way it might be feasible is if I am successful writing for myself - screenplays or novels - but that is a long, uphill climb. It would be a while before I'd be able to create something and refine it to the point that it is publishable. I need a solution now.
Rachel posted a lovely article on holding down a day job while writing during one's free time, and I found it rather inspiring (check it out:
http://www.litdrift.com/2009/10/17/the-day-job-friend-or-foe). I could see myself leading that life (preferably while traveling!). But choosing that existence also means never really having a "career," and probably always being a bit on the impoverished side. I don't need to bathe in Dom Peringnon and towel myself off with 100 dollar bills, but I don't want to spend my life struggling. I feel like that kind of life is perceived as only one small step up from failure, and I'd hate to think that all my expensive schooling was a waste, or that my family would be disappointed in me for not building a distinct, successful career in which there are pay raises, and promotions, and that esoteric thing known as the "corporate ladder."
That brings me to life coaching. It's a profession that I think I would truly enjoy, as the last three years in Manhattan have made me almost obsessively interested in psychology, self-improvement, goal-setting and achievement, and helping others to become the best they can possibly be. And, moreover, I think I could be incredibly good at it. I enjoy people. I understand them well. I like forging unique connections with each individual I encounter. And I hope, I hope fervently, that in some small way I change the life of everyone I meet. And as added bonuses, life coaching allows its practitioners to work from anywhere, as long as there's an Internet connection, to charge a more-than-decent hourly wage, and to set their own hours. It would probably even leave me time for writing, as well! What could be better?
It's tempting, oh-so-tempting, to follow that career path, but there are a couple of stumbling blocks in the way. One is fairly difficult to overcome, and the other is downright impossible. The latter is, quite simply, my age. If you ask a professional life coach, they will tell you that age is, as they say, just a number. Coaches are not trained to tell their clients how to live their lives; they're trained to guide their clients and ask them challenging questions so that the clients are able to figure it out for themselves. I imagine, however, that most people seeking the services of a life coach are not aware of that, and would therefore discriminate against me as "not having enough life experiences," or something else along those lines. The other impediment is money, plain and simple. I would like to complete a life coaching certification program, and would love to get my NLP certification in addition to that (perhaps even a certification in hypnotherapy - because I think those three things would be the perfect arsenal with which to start battling my way into the coaching profession! - but I haven't researched that final certification much). The coaching and NLP certifications alone will run me something in the range of seven grand and, believe it or not, I don't have seven grand stuffed in my pillow case or hidden in the back of the refrigerator behind the rancid leftovers and all the condiments that boys seem to be miraculously unable to see.
So what does that leave? No matter how hard I try to kick the habit, I can't seem to shake my love of the entertainment industry. Brutal, harsh, soul-crushing, dream-destroying, and unfriendly as it may often be, I can't seem talk myself out of having an affection for it. Is there perhaps a rehab for this affliction?? I enjoyed my work at a talent agency, and could see myself working further towards a career as an agent or manager. But that brings me back to a problem that I constantly encounter - I don't think I'm made for spending all day, every day, sitting at a desk, keeping my eyes glued to a computer screen and wondering if it's my lunch break yet. I'm just not that person. I'm convinced it would destroy any and all creativity I have in my body! It would be great to work part time at an agency and spend the rest of my time writing, but I don't think a job like that exists...and if it does, it certainly doesn't leave any opportunity for advancement. I'd always be an assistant, never an agent (which sounds considerably worse than always being a bridesmaid but never a bride...frankly, being a bride sounds like a lot of work, and being a bridesmaid was a blast!).
I also have to consider how hard the travel bug has bitten me. I've loved it ever since that first trip to England, all those years ago, as a wide-eyed seventh grader. I'm passionate about crafting a life that still allows me the freedom (and provides me the income) to travel. My curtailed trip to London a couple of weeks ago reminded me that I still love that crowded, overcast town and the silly little island on which it resides. I know that if I never spend time living there, I will regret it. I am fervidly devoted to living a life free of regrets, and so far I've done a nearly perfect job of it. I don't want to ruin my record now. I am fascinated by the idea of getting a work visa and living in London for, say, 3-6 months...but I am also tortured by a niggling voice that refuses to be staunched that says that working abroad is nothing more than a way to avoid the real world for a few more months. I would love the opportunity, and I think it would be a great resume builder, but what if that voice is right? I'm not the kind of person who likes to spend her time running from things. Working in England gives me two options: work a petty job (barista, waitress, retailer) and spend the rest of the time writing and exploring the country, or work a job that would look great on a CV and help me build a real career (a London talent agency or management company). I can't decide which seems like the better course.
Perhaps I just need to win the lottery, or invent a successful pyramid scheme. I promised Jon I'd start learning how to create iPhone apps, which would at least make me enough money to survive whilst I'm busy plotting out the rest of my future... I also have an idea for a business (I'll post on that later), but it would take a while to get it up and running. Not to mention that I know nothing about owning a company!!
So what do you think, faithful readers...any brilliant insights to share?? :)
