Cairo: 11.28.09

First things first: a very happy belated Thanksgiving to all of you! I'm quite sad to have missed out on celebrating this year, but at least the awful airplane food on our flight from Malta to Egypt contained turkey...

Second order of business: in case you couldn't tell from the above sentence, Jon and I are now in Cairo! We left Malta on Thursday after a wonderful farewell from several of the friends we made there.

Most of my free time continues to be occupied with writing my latest ebook, so I'm afraid this update is going to have to be a short one. My computer managed to lose almost all of the writing I did yesterday, and it has been indescribably tedious to re-write everything again. And to make things even worse, I'm convinced that this draft isn't as good as the first, so I'm consoling myself with a cup of hot chocolate and brandy. :)

Egypt, so far, has been a great experience. Jon and I are pretty much the Brad and Angelina of Cairo.

A detailed post is coming soon, I promise!

Malta: 11.23.09

How on earth did so much time slip by between my last post and this one?! That's not proper blogging etiquette at all...

Malta continues to be lovely. I'm deeply entrenched in working on another Elance project, which likely explains my lack of writing here. This one is another relationship/dating ebook, because apparently I really am something of an expert on the topic now. How strange!

And it gets stranger: the person who hired me was the founder of a pickup company in New York that I know! I met several of their instructors out one night when they tried to pick me up to show off for their students. Needless to say, that did not go very well...and the students spent much of the rest of the evening following me around instead of the teachers they'd hired! ;)

The book is off to a great start...it'll be around 50 pages, single spaced, which is a lot, but it's going well so far. The writing is probably my best yet (that I've been paid for, that is!), and between my client's ideas and my own, we've got some great information in it. He even had a few ideas that I'd never heard before, which is rather unusual in the relationship niche! Maybe he'll take a shine to me and take me on has his protege and teach me how to be a relationship coach....dream big, right?

This project will also be my biggest compensation-wise, which is pretty exciting, and when I'm paid for it my Elance earnings will be over the thousand dollar mark! It's awfully cool to think that I will have been paid over a thousand dollars for my writing...I think that might officially make me a "real" writer!

And in other news, we're in the home stretch of the trip! We're in Malta until Thursday, then we leave for Cairo. We'll have four days of frolicking around pyramids, one night in the UAE, and then we'll be home! Unfortunately that means traveling on both Thanksgiving and our anniversary (3 years...crazy), but it's well beyond worth it. I miss a few people and a few places, and silly little things like Sunday brunch and straightening my hair, but otherwise I'm not ready for the trip to be over! Can't I just travel forever??

Malta: 11.16.09

Observations and revelations from the past 48 hours:

1) Clicking on the shiny, flashing ad that says "Congratulations! You've won a free visa to the United States!" probably means that you would qualify as mentally retarded if formally tested.

2) The Macarena DID NOT EVER need to be remixed.

3) Walking up behind a girl so that she can't see you approaching and introducing yourself by covering her entire face with your sweaty hand and squeezing is probably not going to endear yourself to her.

3a) It's still not cool even if you stumble and drunkenly yell "It's like Facebook!" afterwards.

3b) People like that are the reason people like me - who write and teach classes about relationships and attraction - exist.

3c) Nevertheless, I was not inclined to be any more forgiving about that approach. Seriously. It was both terrifying and disgusting. If I had Purell, I would still be bathing in it.

4) Discovered that the mole on my left shoulder glows under blacklights. Am beginning to think that I might have been bitten by a radioactive spider and that a web might come shooting out of my fingers at any moment.

Malta: 11.15.09

Things to love about Malta:

--Caviar. I have been surprised on several occasions by caviar coming with food even though it isn't listed on the menu. Pasta. Salads. Even pizza.

--Ice. Malta, unlike many places in Europe, believes that drinks should be served with ice cubes. Praise Jesus.

--Every bar comes equipped with a pole. What could possibly make thumping music and cheap drinks even better? Lots of drunk girls who have consumed too many of said cheap drinks deciding it's the optimum time to try out their (extremely dubious) pole dancing skills. It frequently ends in injury, and always end in embarrassment.

--Boys on the aforementioned poles. Apparently male members of the species really need more opportunities to dance on poles. We've been depriving them for years. Every time they see one, their excitement levels go to 11 (oooh, a sneaky pop culture reference!) and they absolutely must test it out. And, frankly, they're usually better than the girls are...

--Gratuitous playing of this song (There's a little minor swearing...my apologies to those with sensitive ears!): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBH85xp9bvo This has to be one of the most ridiculous things I've heard in a while, but it's completely addictive - the very definition of "so bad it's good." There's nothing quite like grooving to a tune that celebrates poor grammar and objectifying women!


Things to look forward to about returning to the States:

--Not having to listen to the Black Eyed Peas every three and a half minutes.

--Speedy service in restaurants. You'd think a waitress would be quick to bring you your bill but...no. Not in Malta.

--My bed (comfiest mattress ever...), my computer, the majority of my wardrobe, good razors, and the ability to straighten my hair.

--Rolo shots at Keybar.

--Yoga (and hopefully a dance class, if I can find one that won't break the bank!).

-- Doctor Who and Torchwood marathons with all of my nearest and dearest. :):)

Photo Post!!

A glimpse at Malta, even though you've already seen most of the photos:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2553206&id=837516&l=35c344238a

Malta: 11.11.09

Just a quick note to all of my favorite people...I have a very important bit of advice: KEEP LEARNING.

I cannot stress this enough.

If you're in school, learn about something that interests you that isn't something you're studying in your classes. If you're not in school, take 30 minutes tomorrow to investigate a subject you've always wanted to know more about.

I've spent so much of this trip indulging in all the learning that I didn't have a chance to do while I was at university, and I couldn't be happier. Right now, for example, I'm writing both for fun and for money, I'm reading The Three Musketeers because it's a classic that's somehow evaded me so far, I've spoken and/or studied 8 languages (Russian, German, English, Hungarian, Italian, French, Welsh, Latin), and I'm learning how to program in C, a popular computer language (bet you weren't expecting that last one!). I caught a lot of flack for choosing to go on this trip - some explicit, and some just obvious based on looks/facial expressions/body language - but it's hardly been wasted time. Most students spend four years at university. I graduated in three, and spent my "fourth year" abroad learning things about the world that school couldn't teach me. It's the perfect balance.

So starting tomorrow, the second you find yourself wasting time by watching TV or eating your 5th bowl of cereal, DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE INSTEAD! It's that simple. :)

Malta: 11.9.09

Let's talk Malta, faithful readers...

I could really sum this post up in three words (specifically: "I love it!!!"), but that wouldn't be entertaining at all, would it?

We arrived here a little over a week ago, after our harrowing Italian adventure. As our plane landed at night, we could see very little of the island during our cab ride from the airport to our hotel. Instead, we had the pleasure of being surprised in the morning with how incredibly gorgeous this place is! Just in case "Mediterranean island" didn't already tip you off to its beauty, let me elaborate...

The skies are blue and lovely, and though it's November the weather is still quite temperate. There does seem to be a fair deal of difference between the t-shirt weather of the afternoon and the put-on-a-sweater weather of the evening, but I'm more than willing to overlook that considering the weather I would currently be exposed to if I were home in New York! A local explained to me, on my second day here, that winter in Malta is basically this weather for several months, interspersed with approximately 3 days of rain. I think I can handle that. :)

Several beaches are within walking distance, two of which are sandy and one of which is rocky:

The aforementioned local also said that the water is still warm, if one is brave enough to test it out! Diving is supposed to be amazing here, so I'd like to give it a shot if we have the chance...I have to snorkel, at the very least!

The architecture of Malta is somewhat similar to what you'd see in any beach town...Miami, Carmel... It's only a few stories high, for the most part, and it's all done in beige, sandy tones. Par exemple:

[I'm afraid I don't know why it's sideways...Blogger refuses orient it in the proper direction! When I post it to Facebook, however, you'll be able to see it correctly.]

I desperately want one of those places, but I can't decide which color door I like best...oh, decisions, decisions...life seems to be an endless succession of them!!

Our home for the duration of our sojourn in Malta is Paceville, an area that is known for its nightlife, and so far it certainly lives up to its name! Our hotel for the first week of our stay was just around the corner from the street where all the bars and clubs are located, which is fantastic in terms of saving money on cabs and saving feet from having to walk long distances in heels (though it is built on a hill, so we are still forced to suffer the podiatric hell of copious stairs), but not-so-fantastic on the "getting a peaceful night's sleep" front. All of the bars and clubs feature drink specials that add up to paying next to nothing for any alcoholic beverages you may desire - 2 FOR 1! FREE DRINK WITH THIS TICKET!! 12 SHOTS FOR 1 EURO!!! - so our pocketbooks are going to be very thankful that we chose to visit Malta instead of Hong Kong!

Feast your eyes upon a (rather blurry) snapshot of said bars and clubs:


Accommodations have also proved to be unexpectedly cheap - yet another Maltese blessing! After a week in our hotel, we moved on to an apartment at the top of the long staircase you see in the photo above. A one bedroom for 140 Euro per week...not too shabby.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, it is time to discuss what is perhaps my favorite part of Malta so far: the food. I'm Italian...what else were you expecting?

We are situated in the perfect spot for testing out all the tonsorial delights of this city. We're surrounded by Italian restaurants, are near a couple of fast food places (initially typed as "fat food," which I'm sure Freud would have appreciated) for those who indulge in such things, have two crepe places nearby that are utterly delightful, and aren't far from a Mexican place, a sushi place, and several Chinese establishments. There seems to be a great deal of UK influence in Malta, so there are lots of little pubs and several places that serve full English breakfasts and Sunday roasts...my inner Brit is very happy. :)

Most of the food seems to be taking its cues from the drinks and is relatively inexpensive (huzzah!). I'm also thoroughly enjoying cheap cappuccinos, which seem always to be my addiction when I'm in Europe and often tend to be one of the more expensive coffee-related drinks on the menu. Best of all, however, is the seafood. What else would you expect from the middle of the Mediterranean?


Jon and I managed to accidentally order something that came with AN ENTIRE OCTOPUS.

I rest my case.

Photo Post!!

You know the drill...

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2549842&id=837516&l=d34bba5005

Venice: 10.31.09

The Tragic Tale of Jon and Elyse in Venice

by Moi

It was not a dark and stormy night...in fact, our tale begins during a rather sunny afternoon in Hungary. Having spent a month enjoying Budapest, our heroes were preparing to leave the city for Malta, the next stop on their world tour. As all planes to Malta seemed to stop in Italy, however, the intrepid duo decided to spend a night in Venice first, so on October 31, 2009 they bid farewell to their cozy apartment and boarded a train bound for Ferihegy Airport.

Between a late night of saying goodbye to all their new Hungarian friends and an early morning spent packing and cleaning the apartment, neither Jon nor Elyse had gotten much rest the previous evening. Both fell asleep almost immediately upon boarding the train.

But fear not, gentle reader! They did not miss their stop. The train did not derail. No tragedy has befallen our heroes yet!

They arrived at the airport with ample time to check in, pass through security, and find the gate. They even indulged in a breakfast of grilled cheese with ham, and managed to make somewhat-respectable mimosas with orange juice and a lilliputian bottle of champagne found in one of the terminal's shops. When they tried to board the plane, however, things took a turn for the worse...

Claiming that they were carrying one bag too many, the two flight attendants scanning boarding passes refused to let them on the plane! Jon and Elyse pointed out that no one had mentioned this at either the check-in desk (despite the fact that the same two people were the ones who had checked them in) or security, and that holding the plane while arguing with them was clearly a much more disadvantageous situation for all parties involved than simply letting them aboard. A "manager" was called, and she claimed that she could do nothing but call someone from the airline (which apparently does not actually have any personnel working in the airport, because that would just be silly...) and ask for permission to let them on the plane.

Said permission was denied. More arguing ensued.

Eventually, the "manager" rang the captain of the plane, who gave the ok. Victorious and smugly triumphant, our heros waved goodbye to their foes, rode an unnecessary bus to the plane that was waiting thirty feet away, and climbed aboard. Scores of empty seats and free overhead bin space greeted them, prompting a few more disparaging comments about the incompetency of the airline before takeoff.

* * *

One short flight later, the protagonists of this tale arrived in Italy. They quickly found a cab and took off for their accommodations for the night, which happened to be in a small town just outside of Venice. Always industrious, they worked for a while before grabbing dinner at a restaurant across the street and heading out to experience the local nightlife.

As it turns out, Venice itself does not have much to do in the evenings unless you're looking for a quiet night sipping a bellini or a cappuccino. Since it was a Saturday night - and Halloween!! - something a little more exciting was in order. Jon and Elyse decided to take a train to Mestre, a location just outside of Venice that was home to a club that looked promising. Unfortunately, as it was later in the evening, the train did not stop at the closest train station. They stopped instead at a station farther away and had to take an expensive cab to the club.

The night went off without a hitch...a drink, some dancing, some terrible Halloween costumes. Both Elyse and Jon were quite tired since they had gotten very little sleep in the last 48 hours, so they decided to call it a night around 2am. They left the club and walked to the road, where they proceeded to wait for a cab in the freezing cold.

None came.

They continued to wait.

None came.

They huddled, hoping that the combined heat would be sufficient to keep them from shivering.

Still none came.

Shivering continued.

Finally, they spotted a cab in the club's parking lot. They hurried off in its direction, desperate to claim it before anyone else did.

No such luck. Dejected, they returned to the street and waited once more, and once more no cabs came by. With considerably dampened spirits, they trudged back to the club and asked one of the employees if he could call a cab for them. He shook his head, saying that he didn't know the phone number. Two more employees offered the same answer.

Tired and convinced that frostbite was setting in, Jon and Elyse waited under the less-than-sufficient warmth of a heat lamp and tried to avoid the inebriated and ill revelers that exited the club in a steady stream. Though they did manage to avoid being vomited on, they were still unable to find transport home. An hour and a half went by, and employees and patrons alike continued to be unhelpful regarding calling a taxi. Eventually, one doorman offered to drive them home after his shift for the "paltry" sum of 40 Euro, more than twice what they had paid to take a cab part of the way there. The offer was declined, as it was clearly ridiculous.

Finally - miracle of all miracles! - Elyse found someone that both had a cellphone and knew the number for the taxi service. He kindly called...and no one picked up the phone.

* * *

Still stranded by 4am, Elyse and Jon decided that the only remaining option was to travel on foot...all six miles back to the hotel. In need of exercise, they started jogging, but quickly abandoned the idea as neither had shoes that were even remotely suitable for the undertaking. Elyse gets sharp pain in her shins from jogging that lasts for several days after doing so in the proper shoes...no telling what the pain would have been like after running in flats for 3 times her normal distance!

The weary travelers passed an unlocked bicycle, and for a while considered abandoning their moral principles temporarily in favor of stealing a bike and spending less time in the freezing cold. The bicycle was old and battered, however, and neither of them could figure out how to effectively transport two people for 6 miles on only one bike. Physically, emotionally, spiritually drained, they left the bike behind and continued to walk.

They arrived at the train station and promptly checked the bicycles that had been left there. Most were in terrible shape, and all were locked.

Giving up on the bicycle idea once and for all, Jon and Elyse clambered onto the train tracks and proceeded to walk along them. Not the safest plan, perhaps, but as it was pitch black out and completely silent except for the sound of their footsteps on the rocks, they knew it would be nearly impossible to not notice the blinding light and roaring sound of an oncoming train. They hadn't gotten far before they realized that stumbling through rocks - and God only knows what else - in the dark was not a particularly good idea. It was doubtlessly going to prove an injury-inducing plan.

A train chose that moment to pass, and the rush of Arctic air that accompanied it convinced Jon and Elyse that the train tracks idea had to be totally abandoned.

That left only one option: waiting at the train station until service started up again in the morning. The blessed event was not due to occur until 5:50am, which meant a wait of an hour and 20 minutes in the bone-chillingly-cold weather.

Noses full of sniffles and bodies wracked with shivers, the depressed duo attempted to seek shelter in one of the station's elevators as they were the only areas in the vicinity that offered complete protection from the thoroughly unfriendly elements.

Neither functioned, apparently shut off for the evening, so Jon and Elyse turned to their last resort: cuddling in the short tunnel that ran underneath the two sides of the tracks. They huddled beneath his jacket, attempted to nap, and tried to stay warm enough to survive until morning.

* * *

When the telltale rumble of an approaching train sent shudders through the station, our heroes leaped off the ground and bounded up the stairs with an alacrity that belied their exhaustion, their whoops of joy filling the air. It was like the final scene of a horror movie when, bloodied and mentally shattered, the survivors crawl out of the cave/basement/haunted house (whatever dark location the catastrophic event took place in) and re-enter the sunlight. Ah, the hope and promise of a new day!

They climbed aboard the train and, ignoring the many strange looks their battered appearance was earning, proceeded bask in the pleasures of warmth and a comfortable place to sit. They arrived at the next station and disembarked. As their next train wasn't going to arrive for 40 minutes, they purchased cappuccinos and took up residence at the nearby McDonalds, which appeared to be full of Halloween-ers who had not yet made it to bed after the night's festivities.

One train ride, one walk through streets full of fallen Autumn leaves, and one elevator trip later, and the adventurers were finally able to collapse into the welcoming embrace of their hotel bed.

As it was 7:30am, however, the relief was short...check-in time arrived all too soon, and Jon and Elyse had to vacate their room. They made plans to take a train into Venice, though they only had an hour and a half to see the city before they had to head back to the airport. Jon asked the woman working at the front desk of the hotel for the time, and she announced that it was an hour later than he'd thought it was. There was, in fact, only a half hour of free time that could be used to see Venice.

Refusing to allow the whole trip to be a tragedy, Jon and Elyse rushed to the train station and began the journey.

Short though it was, the trip was utterly worth it. The city - even just the little bit they saw - was breathtakingly gorgeous.

And so we must leave our heroes...nestled contentedly amongst their baggage on the banks of a Venetian canal and dining on two scoops of truly magnificent gelato!

**The End**

Special Video Post!

Paul Van Dyk concert: